We’re All in a Secret Society...

I didn’t plan to write a blog post about vulvas today. But recently I had a woman walk into my shop and say loudly, boldly, and without a trace of shame, "I need strong cotton panties that won’t rip. I always wake up with holes in the front.”

She said it like she was ordering a latte. Straightforward. Confident. And suddenly, I saw the image of my own favorite pair of blue sleeping panties with lace trim and a tiny, tragic hole right at the front. I knew exactly what kind of hole she meant, yet I’d never had the guts to say it out loud.

And that’s when it hit me: we’re all in this secret society. The Secret Itch Society.

Unofficial members, silently suffering, trying to find solutions in specialty soaps and switching out detergent brands, when maybe, just maybe, this is something bigger.

So here we are. Time to talk.

Chronic vulvar itch is not just a nuisance. It torments sleep, self-esteem, and sanity. And yet, it remains one of the shadiest corners of women’s health: underfunded, under-discussed, and often dismissed.

In this post, we’ll pull back the curtain: from Lichen Sclerosus to detergent disasters, the holes in our underwear, and yes, why Quim’s Happy Clam Oil might just be the underdog relief we’ve been waiting for.

Shrouded in Shame: Why Women Suffer in Silence

Given how intense and common vulvar itch is, you’d think we’d talk about it more. Nope. This topic sits squarely at the intersection of two taboos: sexuality and women’s health. Society has managed to make women feel shame simply for having a vulva, let alone complaining when said vulva is on fire with itch .

From a young age, many women are taught that anything involving our “private parts” is, well, private. We use cute euphemisms (anyone else grew up calling it a “down there” or a “hu-ha”?) and we certainly do not discuss vulvar discomfort in polite company. This stigma is so pervasive that even thinking about one’s vulva can feel taboo for some. Silence is the default .

The result? Embarrassment and stigma keep women from seeking help, creating a vicious cycle.

Vulvar itch is likely underreported because of embarrassment and shame . Sufferers often delay telling their doctor (or even anyone) about the problem. They fear being judged as unclean, promiscuous, or “gross.” In one recent study of women with vulvar lichen sclerosus, researchers noted a “silencing of speech about the vulva” – women felt they couldn’t even talk about their symptoms – which led to profound shame and loneliness . Many suffered for years before getting a diagnosis, simply because they were too mortified to speak up, or they downplayed their symptoms as something they “just have to live with.” That same study found this culture of silence was a huge barrier to seeking help, leading to delayed diagnoses and even worsening of disease .

This stigma doesn’t just affect patients, it seeps into the medical community too. Doctors are human; they grew up in the same culture of “don’t say vulva out loud.” Many healthcare providers receive shockingly little training in vulvar conditions. (When was the last time you saw a Grand Rounds on chronic crotch itch?)

Medical Blind Spots: A Condition Overlooked and Under-Researched

Hand-in-hand with stigma comes a depressing lack of research and medical attention on vulvar health issues. It’s 2025, and yet women’s health conditions like chronic vulvar itch and diseases like Lichen Sclerosus (LS) are still something of a medical backwater. The imbalance in research funding is stark: only a pitiful sliver of global R&D funding goes toward women’s health. According to Nature, women’s health research has “long been underfunded, in part owing to stigmas associated with conditions that primarily affect women.”  In other words, because topics like vulvas and vaginas make people (and purse-string holders) uncomfortable, those issues get less money and attention. Equitable healthcare, meet the patriarchy.

Let’s talk about Lichen Sclerosus, one of the prime culprits of chronic vulvar itch. LS is a chronic dermatological condition that causes intense itching, pain, and even bleeding in the vulva, and can permanently alter the skin’s appearance and elasticity . It’s not even that rare – LS affects up to 3% of women (that’s millions of women worldwide) , especially those in peri- or post-menopause. It can also increase the risk of vulvar cancer by up to 22 times if left untreated . Scary, right? Yet, despite these stakes, LS remains under-diagnosed and under-treated in general practice . Many clinicians, even gynecologists and dermatologists are not well-versed in recognizing it. On average, women with LS often wait years for a correct diagnosis. One recent study found diagnosis is often delayed by 5 to 15 years for vulvar LS . Imagine suffering a torturous itch (plus pain and sexual dysfunction) for a decade or more, bouncing between doctors who tell you it’s just a recurring yeast infection or “normal aging” changes. It’s infuriating and unacceptable.

Why the long delay? Partly the aforementioned stigma and patient hesitation, but also a glaring knowledge gap among providers. In a 2025 survey, nearly half of the responding primary care providers had zero training on vulvar conditions, and many admitted they lacked confidence in diagnosing LS . Some didn’t even know which specialist to refer a woman to for vulvar issues . (Is it dermatology? Gynecology? Urology? Turns out, vulvar disorders fall in a no-man’s land between specialties.) Providers in the survey noted that factors like stigma, patient embarrassment, and even women not knowing what a “normal” vulva looks like all contribute to missed or late diagnoses . In short, the healthcare system has been dropping the ball hard for women with these conditions.

Even when women do seek help, access to knowledgeable care is another hurdle. Specialists in vulvar disorders are few and far between. A new study on vulvar LS care in the U.S. found huge geographic gaps – fully 13 states in the U.S. have no clinicians specializing in vulvar conditions like LS . Many clinics that do treat LS have ridiculously long wait times (the median wait for a specialty vulvar clinic was 55 days, and much longer in some areas) . And if you’re on regular insurance, good luck! Some of the shortest waits were at cash-only clinics that most patients can’t afford . All of this means women often struggle to find timely, competent care. Meanwhile, their condition progresses: LS can cause scarring (fusing of labia, narrowing of the vaginal opening) and the itch-scratch cycle can lead to thickened, damaged skin, not to mention the psychological distress. Earlier diagnosis and treatment would spare women so much suffering (and possibly reduce that heightened cancer risk), but we’re just not there yet on a broad scale. As one frustrated LS patient put it, “LS is a terrible disease and no one knows what causes it yet… I have been told that not enough people have it to be a priority in finding a cure.” Ouch. Women living with vulvar conditions hear, essentially, that their pain doesn’t matter enough to fund a cure. No wonder we’re angry.

Irritants Everywhere: When Everyday Products Make Things Worse

As if the condition itself weren’t enough, many women with vulvar irritation unknowingly sabotage their own nether regions thanks to ubiquitous household products and misguided “feminine hygiene” practices. The vulvar skin is delicate and highly sensitive, it’s moist, warm, and absorbent, which makes it extra vulnerable to irritants . Loads of everyday products can set off or worsen chronic itch: laundry detergents, fabric softeners, scented soaps, bubble baths, perfumed wipes, pads and pantyliners with fragrance, even certain toilet papers can all wreak havoc . Vulvar skin hates dyes and perfumes, but guess what so many of these products contain? Yep, exactly that.

Consider the average grocery store “feminine care” aisle. You’ll find dozens of items marketed to help women feel “fresh, clean, and confident.” Scented tampons, fragranced pads, deodorizing sprays, douches in every scent from lavender to “tropical rain” (whatever that is). The irony is rich (or really, tragic): These products often cause the very irritation and imbalances they claim to prevent. Studies have linked the use of perfumed menstrual and intimate products to allergic reactions and vulvar rashes in many women. For example, chemicals in adhesive strips of pads and added fragrances have been identified as triggers for vulvar allergic rashes . Douching, which a significant percentage of women (20–50%) still do regularly, can disrupt the vaginal microbiome and irritate the vulva, leading to itching or infection . The bottom line (pun intended) from gynecologists is usually: stop putting stuff on your vulva! No scented soaps, no douches, no perfumed pads if you can help it.

Even outside of explicitly “feminine” products, everyday hygiene habits can be an itch culprit. That lovely rose-scented body wash you lather on in the shower? Might be causing vulvar dermatitis. The new laundry detergent with essential oils and febreze? Could be leaving just enough residue in your panties to set your vulva ablaze by day’s end. In fact, doctors often counsel women with vulvar irritation to switch to “free and clear” detergents, avoid fabric softener, wear 100% cotton underwear or at least panties that offer a cotton gusset, and rinse well in the shower with plain water (no harsh soaps between the labia). It’s not because they want you to live a joyless, fragrance-free life, it’s because so many cases of vulvar itch come down to contact irritation or allergic reaction. The Cleveland Clinic bluntly advises: Avoid vulvar irritation: stop using any products (like feminine sprays, soaps and detergents) that may irritate your vulva  . Simplify what touches that sensitive skin, and you remove a lot of fuel from the fire.

Yet, how is a woman to know this when the world is busy selling her the idea she needs to smell like a flower “down there”? The cultural messaging is that vulvas are dirty or smelly unless we cleanse and perfume them, which is both nonsense and actively harmful. It’s a cruel joke: Women dutifully use the powders, potions, and perfumed products to meet an unrealistic cleanliness ideal, and many end up itchier and more inflamed as a result. This isn’t just anecdotal; one market analysis noted that over half of women have reported genital rashes or irritation from hygiene products, driving a growing demand for “skin-safe and anti-irritant solutions.”  We deserve those solutions, but for too long the focus has been on making products that smell nice or look pretty on the shelf, rather than products that actually support vulvar health.

Mind the Gap: Where’s the Soothing Solution?

All of this leads to a glaring question: Where are the effective, non-irritating, non-steroid solutions for vulvar itch? Women dealing with chronic itch often find themselves in a bind. On one hand, you have the medical route, which usually begins and ends with high-potency steroid creams. For conditions like Lichen Sclerosus, the gold-standard treatment is a super-strong topical corticosteroid (like clobetasol) to calm the inflammation. Steroids can work wonders to control disease and stop the itch, if you manage to get a diagnosis and a prescription. But steroids are a double-edged sword: they’re potent medications with possible side effects (skin thinning, burning, increased risk of yeast infections, etc.), and many women are wary of using them long-term on such a delicate area. Even when they are used appropriately, let’s be honest, slathering a prescription steroid ointment on your vulva is not exactly a luxurious self-care ritual. It’s something you do out of necessity, maybe with a bit of dread (and sometimes sting) each time. There is no sensuality or comfort in that experience.

On the other hand, if you don’t have a clear diagnosis or you want to avoid steroids, the over-the-counter (OTC) options are slim. Essentially, it’s trial and error with moisturizers and “feminine” anti-itch creams. Many desperate women raid the drugstore and come home with things like Vagisil or Monistat cream or hydrocortisone 1%. These may provide temporary relief, or they may do diddly-squat – worse, they might even irritate already inflamed skin. (Fun fact: some OTC vaginal anti-itch creams contain benzocaine, a topical anesthetic that numbs itch but can cause allergic reactions that make itching even worse. Fabulous.) Doctors actually warn that using the wrong OTC products can backfire: applying random anti-itch creams without knowing the cause can aggravate the problem and prolong the misery . But can you blame women for trying? When you’re at your wit’s end, you’ll smear on just about anything promising a moment’s relief.

There’s a huge marketing and medical gap here. On the marketing side, big brands have given us scented intimate washes and “vagina perfumes,” but where are the gentle, truly soothing balms or creams for vulvar irritation? It’s a multi-billion dollar feminine care industry, yet effective vulva-soothers are unicorns in the drugstore. On the medical side, unless you have a diagnosable condition like LS that warrants steroids or estrogen cream, doctors often don’t have much else to offer beyond “try a lubricant.”

So women are left to fend for themselves, scratching around (literally) for a solution. Let’s talk about the holes in underwear phenomenon. Yes, this is a thing: the itch gets so maddening that a woman will subconsciously or consciously scratch and rub until she’s worn through the fabric of her underwear. Imagine clawing holes in your own clothes, that’s how desperate chronic itch can make you. It’s a comic image in a dark way (hello, “holy” underwear), but it’s also profoundly sad. Women end up with tattered undergarments and battered spirits all because they can’t find a product or treatment to adequately soothe that itch. This absurd reality should have been addressed by both medicine and the marketplace ages ago.

We need something between “do nothing” and “use steroids forever.” A safe, effective, non-steroidal remedy that actually relieves vulvar itch and irritation. A few forward-thinking companies have started to develop products specifically to care for vulvar skin in a gentle, therapeutic way. And I personally have found one that has been a game-changer for me.

A Happy Clam: Finding Relief Without Steroids

After years of dealing with LS and frankly being pretty ragey about the lack of options, I stumbled upon a product that made me do a double-take. The name caught my eye (and gave me a laugh): Happy Clam Oil by a company called Quim. Yep, “happy clam” as in the euphemism for a contented vagina. Lighthearted branding aside, this is essentially a soothing, plant-based oil designed for vulvas. Quim’s founders call it “eye cream for your vagina,” a cheeky tagline that actually fits remarkably well . We pamper our faces with serums and creams, so why not give our poor over-taxed vulvar skin some TLC too?

This is where I get loud: Quim’s Happy Clam Oil is a godsend! And trust me, that’s not a claim I make casually. I spent nearly a decade neck‑deep in the new‑age wellness vortex: healing retreats, crystal grids, fluoride conspiracies, juicing like it was a religion, and enough affirmations to make your eyes roll back. I’ve seen the hypocrisy and the hustle behind the wellness industry. COVID and the political climate ripped the mask off a lot of so‑called healers, revealing profit over principle and pseudoscience wrapped in sage smoke. So now, when I see an “all‑natural” cure or “wellness” claim, my instinct is skepticism, not surrender.

But Happy Clam Oil earned my trust. Its ingredients read like an herbalist’s dream, minus the usual irritants: nourishing botanical oils (apricot, sweet almond, olive, coconut MCT), extracts like calendula and violet known for soothing skin, plus a touch of tea tree oil (a natural antimicrobial) and Damiana (an herb traditionally used for women’s reproductive health). The star ingredient is full‑spectrum hemp CBD, which actually has evidence as an anti‑inflammatory and pain reliever. CBD has been shown to help calm skin inflammation in conditions like eczema, and many women already use it topically for cramps or pelvic pain with good results. So the logic was simple: if CBD can dial down inflammation and calm overactive nerves elsewhere, why not deploy it where so many of us need relief most, on an inflamed, itchy vulva?

Now, let me be clear: Happy Clam Oil is not a magic cure-all. If you have an active infection or a severe condition like advanced lichen sclerosus, you still need proper medical treatment. I still keep my prescribed steroid on hand for the rare major LS flare. But as a daily maintenance and comfort measure, this oil has been a revelation. It’s steroid-free, all-natural, and actually addresses the symptoms (itch, irritation, dryness) in a way that makes you feel pampered instead of punished. My vulva is visibly healthier. No more angrily scratching in the middle of the night, no more dread when I feel the first hint of itch. Even my underwear is intact (RIP to all those fallen soldiers with holes - you shall be remembered).

Perhaps just as important is what this product represents: women taking matters into their own hands (literally and figuratively) to fill the gaps in women’s healthcare. Quim, the company behind Happy Clam, was founded by women who were fed up with the lack of innovation in female intimate health. They saw that women were either resigned to suffering or forced to use products that were meant for something else (diaper rash cream, steroid ointments, you name it). Happy Clam Oil is part of a new wave of products that finally say, hey, women deserve something better. Something that soothes without side effects, that moisturizes without perfumes or dyes, that can be used long-term without fear. It’s frankly ridiculous it took until now for such options to hit the market, but I’ll take progress where I can get it.

Personal endorsement time: I’m not being paid to write this. There’s no affiliate link, no kickback. I’ve simply tried damn near everything, and this is what finally worked. Happy Clam Oil gave me genuine relief and a sense of control over my body I thought I’d lost. Yes, I carry it in my shop now—but only because I believed in it long before I ever had a boutique. I was a customer first. I brought it in because it deserves shelf space, and because women deserve real options that actually work. That, to me, is what empowerment looks like. 

If your vulva’s been begging for some peace and quiet, get yourself a bottle, your body will thank you.

The Bottom Line: From Holy Underwear to Happy Clams

Chronic vulvar itch is not “just an itch.” It’s a stubborn health issue with physical, emotional, and psychological fallout. It has been shrouded in stigma, undertreated, underresearched, and under-discussed for far too long. Women have been literally tearing through underwear and losing sleep (and sanity) over this, all while feeling too ashamed to speak up. That status quo is not acceptable. We need to talk openly about vulvar health to educate girls and women that having a vulva shouldn’t come with a side of shame, and that persistent itching or pain is not something you simply tolerate in silence.

There are reasons for hope on the horizon. The medical community is (slowly) starting to pay more attention. Recent research is shining light on conditions like lichen sclerosus and the barriers women face in getting care. Patient advocacy and support networks are growing (online forums abound where women swap stories and tips, making it clear you are not alone). And perhaps most encouragingly, women-led innovation is stepping in to offer what the system hasn’t: effective, non-judgmental care products. The rise of vulva-positive, body-positive brands means we finally have options that don’t involve steroids or shame.

Still, there’s plenty of work to be done. We need more research (NIH, are you listening?) to understand conditions that cause vulvar itch, to develop better treatments, and to ensure that no woman has to wait 10 years for a diagnosis or drive across three states to find a specialist. We need doctors who ask about vulvar symptoms as routinely as they ask about anything else, and who actually know what to do when a patient says, “I can’t stop itching down there.” We need to include vulvar health in our broader conversations about wellness because it is health, not some awkward side topic.

Most of all, we need to keep breaking the stigma. Talking about vulvas and vaginas with the same matter-of-fact tone we use for any other body part is a revolutionary act in itself. So here I am, on the internet, saying vulva vulva vulva, itch itch itch! And you know what? The world didn’t end. In fact, my world got a whole lot better when I found the courage to advocate for my own vulvar health and share my story.

If you’re reading this and nodding along (or squirming because hey, you’re itchy right now), I want you to feel seen. And I want you to feel hopeful. There are solutions and relief out there, whether it’s a prescription from your doctor or an indulgent oil you apply lovingly at home. You might have to do a bit of trial and error (and maybe educate a doctor or two along the way, ugh), but don’t give up. You deserve comfort. You deserve care. You deserve to have a happy clam, too.

In the end, the journey from chronic vulvar itch to relief is about more than just a product or a prescription; it’s about women reclaiming autonomy over their bodies and demanding better. It’s about turning anger and frustration into action and advocacy. It’s finding humor in the darkest moments (RIP again, underwear) and strength in the shared experience. So let’s keep talking about it - loudly, intelligently, even irreverently. Here’s to no more silent suffering, no more stigma, and no more holes in our underwear. Here’s to solutions that make us feel whole, healthy, and empowered. Here’s to every woman finding her version of a Happy Clam.

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